I am tired because I have not been sleeping well this week because of the anniversary of my mother's death and her upcoming memorial. I only slept about 3 hours last night and have been crying most of the morning. I am just so tired. I am not just tired from lack of sleep I am tired because I am filled with so many emotions and I am so confused. My brain hurts.

My mom and I had a very complicated relationship. It is difficult to describe or explain and no one really gets it even after I explain EVERYTHING. No matter what happened she was still my mother. She stayed at home and raised me. She was a huge part of my life and now she is gone. It is difficult for me to comprehend that is is over, yet it will never be over. It is so fucking complicated. So I am sad but I am also so angry. Fucking Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. When am I going to get to the acceptance stage? Seriously. Whenever I am there and I think it is all ok something sucks me back into one of the other stages. Well not the bargaining, never had a problem with that stage :).

Ugg. What a mess.